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“Br3aking” N3ws !!!

Yeah, just my luck; I think my finger is broken and the clinic I usually walk to is closed today.

I’m not calling 911; I’ll just wait it out. #OffgridLiving Experience. Yesterday, I finally received a client after days of promoting. We went for a walk to the store. We were talking and walking ; life is an experience for us . As we were close to Our Destination , my youngest looks back… Big A$$ dog runs passed her .. she tries to take off, the dog circles her.. I grab for her and kick the dog away.. little boy running down the street for this Big A$$ dog, I think “Yeah Right”.. we cross the street. All this happened so fast I didn’t care about me til this morning. My finger hurts so bad, it’s not straight .. I know my fingers and I had a client today. I couldn’t let her feel that pain , she loves animals very much . My mom was a dog breeder for years and that comes with good and bad , no panic, quick action and the situation was handled. she called me a “Hero” and stayed close to me the rest of the time , watching her back . I had to grab her , when she took off she was headed towards the street, a car was coming and fast action prevented a lot. I was ready , and I actually shocked myself .

( I thought I posted this days ago but I guess timing is everything 9:33PM ) My finger is healing , I’ve taken a retwist and style appointment . My finger feels different but …..

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Not a Choic3

Waking Up unhappy isn’t my energy. Being Depressed isn’t my energy. Losing isn’t my energy. Sadness isn’t my energy. Being Mad isn’t my energy.

Almost two years ago , I packed up our life and began a new journey for a better us . We left everything we knew behind for the unknown. When we touched down February 11th, 2020 7:30pm it was just us, lyft and google. We had no choice but to live and survive in this new place and we had plans . Blessed my our easy beginning we were happy and free to explore this new place. even as an adult it was new for me. I came here pure , big goals and dreams for this unknown place but other energy soon dampered our bliss and now i sit here stuck dealing with the lessons until we can get away. My oldest has already ran away and found her peace for now and i’m happy she’s not here tbh. this situation is draining, and very unnecessary. an embarrassment to my character all entirely .

Write My Wrongs

My Faults :

Uprooting my family and bringing them into this situation.

Not standing my ground/continuing to come around feeding into the ” It’ll get better, just focus on you” then I invited the energy into my home thinking that would help. ” Only for a few weeks until we save, then we’ll be gone”.

Tattooing a name that wasn’t mines to use . I did it on father’s day, spare of the moment kind of thing for my own reasons ; I believe’ true. It wasn’t even about the person; whom was miles away with their family on holiday. didn’t even think they would notice because I wasn’t a preference .(Definitely ok with that) it’s what the words symbolized for the journey i’ve been on. My mistakes and I don’t regret it, just gotta fix my stupidity . I’m so hurt right now and its nobody fault but my own so i sit here in my own energy until i can get us out this situation .

Do I deserve the disrespect ? Do I deserve the energy received thinking for myself and well being ?

Thoughts

Days go by but not fast enough and I promise myself that I will never put trust into another soul like i have before. My kindness always leads me to being disrespected, misunderstood and i’m too grown for the b.s. I could be so much more if i didn’t believe in unity and a better tomorrow . All I wanted to do was raise my children and build a solid foundation for them. If i didn’t have children I wouldn’t care as much for a “Better world” but da *n it man. like frfr how am I the only one that sees the wrong.

Why do I have to give up my space for another woman’s responsibility ? why did i buy diapers on Mother’s Day for kids that arent mines. why was my bday crushed with her children’s presence just finding out my husband died and my daughter was gone by this time too… I wanted peace on my days since then and haven’t gotten any time.

The continous disrespect , now she’s closer{ ( you lied about it) and it was never my business to care until you put me in it)}, Her head held high and rewarded for being Her Toxic self, I could never and I will never . This energy isn’t mines. I’ve asked the energy to leave several times only to be bullied and disrespect like they want the fight . usually i do but in this case it’s not even worth it. I have to sit here enduring it until i can make a move. Not being able to make money or go get money is dampening my spirit also. i know i’m better then this. how long does it take for a person to figure it out? It;s been almost two years of this sh*t and my patience is running thin. Trying to make the best of each day is a task when it shouldn’t be. Repeatedly encouraging souls with solutions that are right in their face yet they sit on my time because I won’t fight. a young child that sees and hears everything, i can only imagine what they know and see during this time. it’s not real. I’ve already had an uncontrollable panic attack , I won’t be dealing with this for much longer. Why do I have the idea of leaving my own place just to go be homeless and find another > these are the thoughts i must be strong against because i don’t want to see that part of life. I just want our space, time and life back. I feel like i’m in jail for crimes i didn’t commit and this has been a big trigger in my life. ( People trying to tell me what’s best for me, tell me what they think is the plan for my life) and don’t even have a clue I’ve lived my life since i understood thy self . Aware of self through pain and wondering why I was even created through lust .

I slayed my own dragon to get us here, and I’ll soon be writing a better entry but for now it’s just another day of disrespect and i get it. Don’t mess with people’s baby daddy even if you are just trying to be apart of a better future. it doesn’t exist. They don’t respect the help given. They had thousands between them, not once did they give back to the souls that have been there. I have outstanding bills due, my place ( definitely not getting the deposit back) they allowed their children to detroyed things they never helped fixed. but im suppose to be happy and still giving to their current situation . F’ that!! I want nothing but the best for everyone but I was not a choice when i came here. Almost 5 years single after a failed marriage; I was and am happy alone in my own energy and that’s the truth . Having panic attacks and brokenness for what? I don’t need a man, I don’t need a roommate that doesn’t pay bills and I don’t need…… exactly .

The Conclusions of Truths

The solution is to just move in a healthy and safe way for my family sake once again and keep my worth to myself / I came here hot and ready for success , I’ll save it for another place with these valuable lessons learned .

I am a Mother with Dreams . I am a Domestic Violence Survivor 20 times over seeking love, but no more did I seek the love of another on this Journey. Especially with the knowledge before hand, I am Not a home wrecker and had no interests in even dating someone with so much baggage. This isn’t something to take lightly, out of my control given the situation i don’t believe “Love” exists. The word repeated like affirmations. I love for no reasons, no expectations. open hearted and if you can’t love me the same then it isn’t real, If someone says No the 1st time, then at the last second say yes; that’s fake and indecisive. Again , wasn’t apart of the plan. i “Love” souls that i will never see again in this world . I’m hoping this is some growing i must do or Am i really being challenged here? whatever it is , it doesn’t feel nice but what is it to feel?

” Two years of Unspoken Thoughts from this New Beginning” Decades More from Childhood Traumas . As long as #Wordpress Exist so do my written words that were once repeated thoughts . #MentalHealth is real and very misunderstood .

Life

#R3alityCh3ck

For 3 days now my background thought was ” write it down , write it down, get it out” blah, blah, blah !!! While my body was like” relax, don’t worry or you’ll have another panic attack.” Yes, I had a real panic attack/ stress attack/ anxiety attack whatever it’s called, I had it and it wasn’t nice . I was alone with my youngest when it happened. since my oldest ran away, it’s just been us. #Realitycheck who would call 911, who would watch her if i needed medical care. Thoughts of a single mother , After EMT checked my vitals and said i was f”ine” , continuously talking amongst each other, asking ‘ what will we do with the little girl/” do you have family, a friend ? knowing I had none at the time i had to control myself for her sake . when emt left i felt no better than before. feet and hands were still cold, heart rate did decrease and I just felt light headed the rest of the time. is this what the diagnosed symptoms are ? how are the medications? This was the 1st one I couldn’t control and it freaked me out .

November 3, 2021 I learned a valuable lesson . There’s no such thing as support and partnerships. Finally found a space within price range $650/deposit or $995/deposit. It would have been simple if i would have managed my money correctly. after all this b.s. I dealt with around us, and still couldn’t get it. As much money as I came to Arizona with, Blessing everyone with investments and fun times; no one was there to assist me with my dream. Not even the person that was suppose to be a partner at least. I can’t expect help from others that can’t help themselves. Finally an opportunity to restructure some of the chaos that surrounds us. only to not be able to afford the beginning. just wasn’t meant to be. I let it go !

November 4th I found out my father just died in August of 2021 . November 4th is the day I had the attack. I didn’t feel it when my aunties passed, i didn’t feel it when my oldest ran away or when I found out my husband was shot dead ,I almost lost control this day ; all this happening in 2021. After finding out my husband died , I started looking for my long lost father . I never wanted to be that long lost daddy girl story but after losing so much this year , I just felt it was necessary to find my other half . Mack Earl Marshall Sr. of Mobile Al and he was still in Sacramento during my upbringing. I was told he left Sacramento long ago. why didn’t he try to find me. he was 62 years old, a July leo . July 26th was his birthday . My parents were both leos. we could have been the lion king lol . it is what it is . I’m starting to realize it’s just us and i gotta get my life together with her father being gone, i’m all she really has . The day I had my attack, as we were still sitting outside; after the emt left i explained to her what happened. she didn’t even know the ambulance was for mommy(me). I talked to her about opening my phone, dialing 911, leaving me to go to the neighbor’s house because she didn’t know the address. most my neighbors are working souls but i still told her to go seek help if mommy wasn’t able to .

” it took me all day to finish this post. my tummy felt tangled, feeling cloudy so i would stop’. I didn’t like the feeling of that attack and it’s helping me to control whatever this is. I’m turning into a nervous wreck because i care so much. is it worth it > is my life really worth caring about others that don’t care for me. she’s almost 7 years old ( i won’t do her like that. she loves me unconditionally) , they said my vitals were fine.. and with that being said I must find us a new life. I am my own energy, always have been. and for her i want her to get a better version of what life can be . find her a tribe just in case mommy needs a break to rebuild self . I take care of my responsibility , didn’t think my husband would be gone so soon, she didn’t even get a chance to meet him.

They wouldn’t give me my twitter account back . ( some phone/ email verification that doesn’t let you verify) so i am thankful for my blog. it’s no longer private . Anyone could find this and read my post. feel free to comment and message me. being a lonely leo by choice has its pros and cons . together we can make something more . remember the good parts of history where people worked together for a better tomorrow . Stop the “Flamingo Neck Syndrome” and look up to see reality. These children are our next generation please don’t fail them As a young mother my biggest goal was to be a better mother to my children based on my upbringing but every era is different . I’m not perfect but I for sure deserve better then this situation .

underneath my own personal problems im dealing with other entities too. I’ll keep you posted lol . feels really good to get these past few days down. it’s a lot but could be worse. still no government help, no job yet , all these covid rules have really created a division . if you would like to donate please do . anything will help frfr its getting scary , almost 4 months before we know what tax season will bring so i don’t want to count on it. yes i’ve applied for jobs/careers/ .. yes i’ve checked into schools but i will not make her just a number in a seat, i got us , just need a little balance. https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=UJGW8T5PZVEZ8

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“By3 By3 Fac3Book”

Yep, I deleted Facebook. After almost 2 years of consistently being on the site, paying for promotions and connecting with strangers; I’m officially done with the site.

Business was my only reason for being on Facebook so if it’s not about it, there’s no need to have it. From the “Hello Dear” to the scammers in the groups, it wasn’t getting me anywhere. I don’t understand how some of these useless groups had members but it was to repreative for me.

I’m seeking to expand back into the world ” Reality” marketing if possible. I have not given up on my goals but there has to be more. why am i dropping links for other business owners to see? business owners don’t support other business owners.

I had to take a step back and reevaluate exactly what I was doing on this site and I don’t regret deleting it.

I still have my Instagram ; the original site that made me known but there has to be more. Our Shopify Online store did not last as long as I planned but it was a great experience. I was able to receive support and pay for bills i didn’t have money for at the time . $32 to $175 profit i did something correct . I am thankful and grateful for all the new knowledge obtained thus far.

Life

$upport

Promotions, Marketing, Flyers, Business cards, Menus, Brochures etc etc etc … blah blah blah . It really takes money to make more money. My Facebook Family had no comments on the Post I made about Facebook’s Blackout:

“Did Y”all see how much money Facebook lost in 5 hours? If we could support each other as we do these other companies,  we would have it made. Seeing this changes my mindset A lot . There’s still money to be made just gotta find the correct market for the consumers.  Years of Braiding hair for discounted prices but ppl will go out and spend $500 on a Bottle.  Yeah no thank you ! This isn’t about getting rich but yes financial freedom is a must for the Next Generation.  I was a Teacher for almost 10 years  $10.50hr ( oh if you stay well give you a 2% raise) left and never looked back.  I’ve been doing hair consistently for the past 3 years and still haven’t reached Success 🙃  but we’ve lived as we wanted with freedom for personal development.  Now entering into e-commerce  life is long enough to figure something new out for the next generation is all I’m saying.  Today has really been different 😪  but tomorrow is a new day to do it better 🙌 Ms. Kayla seeking to connect with all in hopes for a new opportunity ♥❤✨

i wasn’t expecting a million responses but hopefully i had some thinking differently. The Venom Movie just released. 100 Million in sales , but the US is in a crisis , this, the US has the largest homeless population; is that . I’m like wow right now . What happened to the land of opportunity? unity? support< not others taking ideas from another, scams , my head is spinning. There’s money to be made just gotta be in the market for consumers, have a trustworthy approach and ….

This is what i’ve experienced in the past week. what’s your thought on this matter? were you affected by the blackout . what would you do if internet no longer exist? connections lost?

Holiday Blessing / Adopt a Family for the Seasons .

We are currently accepting donations for personal reasons and also booking now @ discounted pricing for ” Thankful November Month”. We appreciate your continued support . Venmo: https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2441201890361344683…Cashapp: $Roottransformation Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=UJGW8T5PZVEZ8